I was vomiting whilst planning a meeting…
a taste of my own medicine
On Wednesday morning, I woke up with a significant change to my hearing.
No longer could I hear the birds chirping, and the distant sound of the Balearic waves greeting my arrival into the day…
Instead, a consistent loud ringing.
That morning, I had an appointment for my 20 week scan. I arrived at the hospital, a place that generally rattles me to the edge of a panic attack at the best of times, and began gulping my tears down, as the loud backdrop of loud Spanish voices dizzified me.
“What has happened to my hearing?”
Now, whilst this felt like a completely random occurrence because…
There was no late night rave with me glued to the speaker.
I had spent the previous day immersed in relaxation, mind set focus, and excitement for the free community event I’m running - Sex is Medicine.
My body was healthy, (very) well fed and (for once) well slept.
Yet, deeper than my surface “wtf is going on” as soon as my ears were ringing that morning, I knew exactly why.
Fast forward to 3 hours later, I’m retching my guts up over the toilet. The kind of vomit akin to a fast purge in an ayahuasca ceremony.
Getting ready for an important call, I’d just put my make-up on, changed out of my trackies, and dressed in something a little more cute… all a rare occurrence for me.
And as tears were streaming down my face, I was doing my best to try not to let my mascara run. I had 20 mins before I got on that call.
So let me make this even clearer. As I, a 22 week pregnant lady, who’d lost half her hearing, was vomiting into the toilet…
I was trying to simultaneously prepare my notes for the meeting.
I wish I could say it was at that moment that I decided to cancel the call.
But it wasn’t.
It was when I’d managed to grasp my phone, and saw it was 5 mins until I was meant to be presenting. I was still wretching when I thought:
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, GRACE?”
As a woman who spends her life being incredibly considerate to her body.
Has a deep awareness of the madness of a culture that forces humans to work extortionate hours, beyond what is actually natural, as a matter of normality (and don’t get me started on pregnant women who still gotta go to the office n’ grind).
I am still indoctrinated.
But why would I not be?
I have broken out of the system of employment which drove me insane.
I have broken out of the work ethic of mental hours.
But right now…
I am 20 weeks pregnant
Mothering a 3 year old
Running a business
Providing for my family
The organiser of my home
I am literally wearing every single hat possible.
Because I have been indoctrinated into a culture where women can “do it all”.
As Destiny’s Child famously said:
“The shoes on my feet (I bought it)
The clothes I'm wearing (I bought it)
The rock I'm rocking (I bought it)
'Cause I depend on me if I want it
The watch I'm wearing (I bought it)
The house I live in (I bought it)
The car I'm driving (I bought it)
I depend on me (I depend on me)”
It was so empowering as a teenager.
But now it’s literally sucking out my power.
The truth is, I have been spinning SO many plates for so long that until I became pregnant, I didn’t realise what it’s been doing to me.
Chronic stress is the underlying cause of health issues. ESPECIALLY (but not limited to) the mystery ones.
I’m going to go in here boldly and tell you that the endometriosis, the fertility struggles, the severe disconnect and avoidance you have to your sexuality…
It’s 90% to do with the chronic stress you’re living out… without even knowing it.
The truth is, you, me, we… have been acclimatized to living with a consistently dysregulated nervous system. It’s high stress, but it’s normalised.
Destiny’s child brought in the notion that we can “do it all”
Your mother likely modelled that meticulous independence
Your friends celebrate it
And you all clink glasses over it, as your poor body is shaking under the weight of it all.
When you are under long term stress, your body stops prioritizing extras.
You know, silly ol’ things like:
healthy menstruation
And sexual desire
After a while, this impacts your hormones so much that you’re looking at chronic dysfunction.
In my case, which is not linked to my sex… but to my ears.
Tinitus.
So as I was laying awake last night listening to the sweet sound of constant ringing
I saw how much I was in the cultural trap.
And I remembered how cool my body is.
Not broken, just YELLING at me (now 24/7) until I get my fucking prioritises in a row, and unravel myself AND the way I’ve accidently (again) setup my life, to essentially distroy my creativity, juice, and vitality.
And sure, it’s mental to live in a world which generally asks one human to take on a village worth of responsibility.
But the amazing thing is that…
There’s no one else to blame but ME.
Because I am the creator of the reality I weave.
And if my body is saying “yo’ - too much” in the only way she knows how: dis-ease.
Then I’m a bit of a prick if I ignore her at this point (although I can’t because urgh, my ear).
And it may seem outrageous of me to tell you this, and then suggest that you come and join me in a healing container where you literally change the state of your nervous system. Get your sexual energy thriving, your hormones in balance, and return to a state of deep, consistent vitality.
But actually… is it ridiculous? Because I actually need a taste of my own medicine too.
I created Wellspring to be like a warm honey kiss to your whole entire being. An experience to slowly and sensually bring you out of disconnect from your pleasure, wisdom, and sexual energy. And lead you to a place where you are educated and embodied in the literacy of your sexual vitality.
Wellspring will support you to step out of patterns of chronic self-neglect, hustle and disconnection.
And into a place of personal growth and personal power – to feel the benefits of living an erotic life both in and out of the bedroom – to the point where every single area of your life – business, mothering, even grocery shopping – is lit up with the energy of spontaneity, curiosity, vitality and aliveness… that perhaps has been stagnant for so long.
Think of it as a 3-month retreat, where me and my team will hold you closely every single week, to dive deep into your sweet body, and see that she’s not broken. But indeed a wise messenger.
Pleasure & connection to your body is your birthright.
It’s time to reclaim that.
Wellspring is available for enrolment from today - end of day on Sunday for £888 (we also have some super accessible payment plan options here add link).
Usually priced at £2,999, this is an opportunity to melt into bliss at a wildly discounted price.
We begin on 2nd February.
So if you feel it.
Move now.
you